For what seems like my whole life, I have been at war with my own reflection. My journals spanning over 20 years and more are filled with the pain of body dysmorphia and the struggles of an eating disorder, revealing a consistent pattern: no matter my size or appearance, I have been a stranger in my own skin, worn like an ill-fitting costume draped over my restless spirit. I’ve had eyes that only see my imperfections.

Yet, as I look back, I also realise that nature offers me profound wisdom that has begun to transform my perspective. Today, I am learning to embrace who I am, just as I am, and find solace in the natural world around me.

The Seasons of Change

Nature teaches us that everything has a season. Just as the trees shed their leaves in autumn, our bodies go through phases of change. Yet, in our society, especially for women, we are pressured to remain static, to keep our weight the same no matter the circumstances. We are told that gaining weight is always bad, that we must "bounce back" immediately after having babies, and that our worth is tied to maintaining a certain size.

As I reflect on my journals, I see the cycles of my struggle mirrored in the seasons. I have been as bare as the trees in winter, feeling exposed and vulnerable. But I have also experienced the blossoming of spring, moments when I've felt hope and renewal. Today, I strive to see my body as a tree that adapts and thrives through each season, understanding that every phase has its own beauty.

The Strength of Mountains

Mountains stand tall and unwavering, enduring the test of time and elements. They remind me of my own strength and resilience. There have been times when I felt I could not climb the steep hills of my self-image, especially under the constant societal pressure to stay the same size. But just like the mountains, I have weathered every storm.

My journals tell a story of perseverance. Despite the setbacks and the relentless inner critic, I have continued to move forward. Embracing my body now feels like reaching a summit, where I can finally take in the view and appreciate the journey. I am strong, not in spite of my struggles, but because of them.

The Serenity of Rivers

Rivers flow with grace and purpose, carving their path through the landscape. They remind me that my journey is my own, and it doesn’t have to follow a straight line. There have been twists and turns, exacerbated by societal expectations, but each bend has brought me closer to understanding and accepting myself.

As I read through my old journal entries, I see the turbulence of my past, but I also see moments of calm and clarity. These moments are like the gentle flow of a river, guiding me towards self-acceptance. I am learning to be kinder to myself, to let go of the harsh judgments, and to appreciate the journey as it unfolds.

The Embrace of the Forest

A forest is a community of diverse trees, each unique and essential to the ecosystem. It reminds me that diversity is not only natural but beautiful. My body is unique, and it is time I honour it for what it is, rather than constantly wishing it were different.

Looking back, I see that my desire for a different body was like trying to replace a pine tree with an oak. Each tree, like each body, has its own role and beauty. I am learning to embrace my own form, to see the beauty in my individuality, and to celebrate the diversity of bodies around me.

A New Chapter

Today, as I stand in the present, I am writing a new chapter. One where I embrace my body with the same love and respect that nature shows itself. My journals, once filled with anguish, now serve as a testament to my growth and resilience.

Nature has taught me that I am part of a larger, beautiful tapestry. I am learning to see myself not as a flawed individual, but as a unique expression of life, ever-changing and ever-growing. I embrace who I am now, and I look forward to the journey ahead with optimism and gratitude.

May this new chapter be filled with the peace and acceptance I have long sought, inspired by the timeless wisdom of the natural world.

Photo credit - Jason Mavrommatis ~ Unsplash